Life's Secrets

2009-10-07T19:30:00.002+08:00

I feel funny today.
Not sick funny but i'm -worried-and-i-think-i'm-losing-it kinda funny.
Since this afternoon, discussed about it with amirah and the funny feeling came.
I dunnoe. Am i insecure? Am i asking for too much?
Is it my imagination? Am i just contemplating?
I have pure literature exam tomorrow and i haven't even been studying.
I'm gonna find out the topics to study from azurah.
I just can't concentrate.
My heart is squeezing and feels like it's gonna burst and
the pit of my stomach just feels wrong altogether.
I feel tired being the only one trying and I can't be bothered anymore.
Luther was awesome, gave advise and was super patient with me.
Thanks luther, i owe you.
alright, i'm out.

2009-10-05T17:07:00.002+08:00

Wow, so much for studying ss at Dian's house.
Currently at dian's house, slacking at her crib(:
OH MY GOD! her's crib's freaking awesome.
Met her mummy, hmmm, had a sudden impulse to call her mummy too,
Ate till my stomach looked as if i was 12 months pregnant
I feel like sleeping but knowing better i have tution at my place at 7:15. urgh!
School was......normal i think.
Azurah was being an asswipe but i still love her yeahh?
We were talking about stuff and she had this idea creating this name-thingy and
that is how "FAAYTH" was created. it's her fault I can't stop writing it out.
I MISS NADIA ELIZABETH SOH XIN MIN! she's sick in bed and school
was un-awesome without her.
Currently, me and Dian are really bored and thinking about what to do at her crib,currently.
Hmmm,waiting for him to be someone to be online is no easy feat.
SS is well ya know, hard to cope with. I wanna sleep at Di's crib and get mesmerized with dreams
Hmmmmm, blogger is so not appealing ANYMORE.
i should probably try onsugar.
Good idea, Dian((((:
alright, i'm outta here.

2009-10-03T22:18:00.003+08:00

wow,

when people said my blog looks dead, they aren't kidding.

sorry,hunnies, i didn'thave the time to blog.

Sometimes, blogger doesn't seem to appeal to me anymore.

it's such a hassle to maintain but i'll try to maintain it as much as possible,

Well, as you all know, it's the exam period and the malay students

feel deprived of their hari raya. yes, i know it sucks but then

who are we to go against the teachers?

Anyway, trying to mug for SS but then was chatting with DEE and couldn't concentrate.

I idn't mind though, I missed her a lot since the I3 conference and Holy Innocent's High.

Scratch that, I miss the whole group of us.

I miss folding hearts with them

Even though the conference lasted for only a day, we bonded as though we've

known each toher for years. I miss them badly.

Lately, been doing some serious shit thinking for the seond time.

I realise I haven't been using my time wisely.

And I then to miss lots of people.

I miss DEE too.

We were so retarded during the conference but who cares.

Our group was the awesomest and our facs were awesome too.

Thanks Ivan and Hong Sen!

I miss my girls.And lots more people and one person in particular too.

I mean we've all been busy these few months with homework and what-nots

I miss my best guy bud!

Matt! Sorry i can't talk to you these few days.

After exams, I promise yeahh?

Right now, spending time souds like a sin that is forbidden.

But rightnow,chatting with dee makes me feel better.

We;ll go out soon okay? to brush out on our photography skills -laughs-

Right now, I shall try to concentrate on SS andGod forbids anything to distract me.

Ciao,till then.

Ily.(winks)

-A.

Sick! Arghh!

2009-07-18T14:09:00.000+08:00

"Smile though your heart is aching."

2009-07-08T21:53:00.006+08:00

Michael Jackson.

My Idol. My Role-model.My Inspiration.

Today left me with a pang of loss and a huge hole in my heart.

I watched the Michael Jackson Memorial Special.

It was really saddening.

The world has lost one of its Greats.

Ever since i was young, I've been listening to his songs.

He was someone i look up to. I can relate to him.

He is soft-spoken and shy.

But on-stage, it was another person. A person full with confidence and energy.

He was the first African-American to appear on MTV.

He was the one who broke all racial barrier.

He was also the one who made music wht it is today.

Brooke Sheilds' speech and Paris' short farewell made me cry.

I cried for 4 times.

I just couldn't hold back my tears. By the end of the memorial, My eyes were red-rimmed and from crying.

Believe it or not, I still cannot believe that he's gone.

He left this world at such a young age.

He was a person full of smiles, calm and reserved.

All these years, he life was full of controversies that were all not true.

Those people who envied just wanted to ruin his life.

However, Michael never complained or fret over these things.

He just smile even though his heart was aching.

He never showed how he really feel as he didn't want

to attract any attention.

I don't understand why everyone is fretting about his looks.

IT DOESN'T CONCERN YOU SO JUST SHUDDUP!

He suffered a traumatic childhood! His father kept calling him UGLY.

His father said "What a big nose you have.You surely didn't get that from my side of the family!"

HOW DO YOU FEEL IF YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD CALLED YOU "UGLY!" AND CRITICIZES YOU EVERYTIME?!

Because of these, he felt insecure about his looks.

He went for nose surgery.

HE DIDN'T COLOUR HIS SKIN BECAUSE HE WASN'T PROUD TO BE AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN!

HE HAD A SKIN DISORDER CALLED VITILIGO AND WENT FOR A PROCESS CALLED"DEPIGMENTATION" TO EVEN OUT HIS SKIN AFTER SEVERAL EFFORTS TO COVER UP AND EVEN OUT HIS SKIN TONE WITH MAKE-UP!

It's not his fault that he had a traumatic childhood!

His dad used to beat him up really badly if he and his brothers got the dance steps all wrong.

His dad would beat them with anything he could find, belt,cable wires. He would also throw his sons against the wall.

Michael would be so scared of his dad that even the sight of him would made him regurgitate.

Michael's mom would be hysterically shouting to her husband,"Stop it Joseph! You're gonna kill him! You're gonna kill him!"

Michael never get to experience a dad's love.

He didn't get to say "Daddy" to his father, never sat on his father's lap with the dad, embracing him lovingly.

All in all, He couldn't get to experience a father's love.

Michael's father told him and his brothers," To you, I'm not Dad or Daddy. I'm Joe."

He was a good entertainer,person and father.

True, he did dangle his son from the balcony.

But it wasn't intentional.

GET REAL PEOPLE!THINK RATIONALLY!

WHY WOULD HE WANT TO THROW HIS OWN SON OFF THE BALCONY!

DON'T YOU FIND IT RIDICULOUS!

He brought up his children with love,care and concern.

He never ever once laid a finger on his children.

He loves and adore children.

He even built Neverland Ranch for unfortunate children.

Michael Jackson was also a kid at heart.

He didn't get to experience a colourful childhood like us.

He had this kid in him that wants to come out.

His love for children was undeniable.

he also donated a lot of money to charity.

He was the world's most charitable celebrity.

A humanitarian, samaritan and an angel sent from Heaven.

He did whatever was in his capabilities to help children all around the world

to put a smile on their faces.

To him, children are the main reason why we have happiness in the world.

Please, people, he has already passed on. Let him go in peace. What more do you want for him.

Michael Jackson has touched millions of hearts.

Wait, scratch that.

Michael Jackson has touched COUNTLESS of hearts.

Michael Jackson, you have serenade yourself into our hearts through your songs

and your caring heart.

I've always wanted to meet you but I guess it's too late. It's ok. I'll meet you

in the Hereafter.

There will not be another Michael Jackson in this world.

No one can ever replace Michael Jackson.

NEVER,EVER,EVER.

We, your fans are missing you badly,Michael.

Rest in peace, Moonwalker. We love you, Michael.

We always will.

Tiring week.

2009-07-01T22:24:00.002+08:00

This week has been a very exhausting week for me.

It resulted in lack of sleep and black eyebags.

Right now, mugging for Pure Literature homework. It's hardddddddd.

Try as I might, my mind sorta blank and it's not co-operating with me.

But somehow or rather, my girlfriends made my day.

Thanks, you guys. With you guys around, I don't really feel lethargic from the massive

amount of sleep loss.

I am sleep-deprived and no, it's not insomnia.

It's all because of the assignments piling up,eh. Sometimes teachers can be quite merciless with

the truckloads of assignmnets.

WORST STILL.

I slept at 2:30 am just to finish my history assignment and the teacher says,

"Keep it first. I will collect when the whole class hand in

as a whole."

wtf! Can you imagine my expression?! Imagine how the volcano on top

of my head was excreting lava at a high speed!

I mean i sacrificed almost my whole sleeping time to finish this effed-up history assignment

and it turns out that i had more ample time to finish it.

I was really pissed off. But i calmed down after a few hours.

I'm suffering from mass exhaustion.

This week, I wasn't very talkative and chatty as I used to be.

Sorry, guys. It's just that this week has been really hard on me.

Btw, there's two people I want to thanks.

Amanda and Nadia.

HEYY AMANDA!

Thanks for helping me with the blogskin. I can never get the hang of it. It's fabulous.

NADZEE!

Thnaks for being my phone buddy and study date eyy?

We should go out to Starbucks or Termianl 3 to study. One of these days, alright?

I promise.

I'm going to continue mugging for my Pure Lit now.

Ciao, till then.

-A.

Effed-up Day

2009-05-27T20:58:00.003+08:00

Today was.... eventful.

I'm sore over a lot of things.

I gotta apologise to all my girlfriends and sweethearts fr putting up with me.

Fatiha, thanks for putting up with me, Unni. I was insuch a bad mood but never once you

complained about me being whiney. I love you.

Shereena, thanks for being by my side too when I was down. Thanks for being very quiet and reserved when I needed people to just stop asking me to not be moody. I really owe you one.

Hashy, thanks dear, for trying to put a smile on my face earlier this morning. I'm really

greatful for the concern that you showed me.

Nadia, Thanks for being by my side. You're a great friend. Thanks for keeping quiet when the

others was fretting about me being very sulky and down just now. I really needed one.

Iqah, Thanks or making me feel better too. You tried to put a smile on my face by asking me to roam around school. You're such a sweetheart.

Sofia, thanks for being just a sweetheart. Thank you for the advises that you gave me

earlier on. It made me see both sides of the situation and lighten my spirits

a lot.

Last of all, I wanna thank Amirah Imran, Arina and Filzah for being very patient with me today.

I'm sorry if I gave you all the cold shoulder treatment. It's just that a lot

of things have been happening right now that i'm on an emotional roller coaster.

It's just that right now, I think that when it's council, I'll feel awkward around you guys.

You guys are more superior than me. Things change and people change.

Biahne.

I don't know if things will turn for the better in the future. I'm really sorry. I've talked to you

guys personally and I hope you know how I really feel. People see you as you all are in the limelight. I don't want to be thepatheticore loser waiting by the curtains. It's the end of the line

for me. Finish it for me alright? If time permits, I'll wait for you at the finishing line. You guys are big now. People will soon recognise you.

Things have yet to settle down betweenme and my Mum. I really dunnoe what to do to appease her and she is sprouting all sorts of nonsense and jumping to conclusions.

I just hope that she'll realise what the truth really is like. She saying crap that doesn't even exits.

I cried myself to sleep yesterday just thinking about all these things. Girls, I'm so sorry things

have to turn out this way. It's out of my control too. Right now, my life is in a whole mess and I

just can't seem to fit the pieces together. You guys probably don't know what I'm really

going through. Right now, let me be down for the moment. It's my only source of

solace that I have left. You guys see me being happy and everything but if you really

want to know. It's all just a mask to hide how I really feel. Sometimes, some things are just

meant to be kept low-key and secret. When I've put myself and my life back together, I'll tell

you okay. Right now, things are just too complicated for me to confide in you guys.

Let nature take it's course and let God do His job. Insyallah, I'll return to my normal self.

-A.